


The Cabin

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-09
Updated: 2010-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:32:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ah, the holiday season... a time to hang out with your friends and discuss the legality of necrophilia and rape.<br/>Yeah, I don’t know wtf is wrong with my brain either.  Dethklok is stranded in a cabin.<br/>Warning: If you’re not following, we ams goings to talks about necrophilia and rape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cabin

Here’s all the info you need (because I’m too lazy to write it all as fic):  
It’s very late. They were headed to or from somewhere, just the band and Charles. The car broke down, it’s possible that it was sabotaged but that doesn’t really matter. They have taken shelter in a nearby cabin, it’s somewhere in Mordland but pretty far from the Haus. It has a fireplace and lots of wood. It’s also snowing. A lot.  
Charles has gone for help, because that’s what he does. He’ll be back in the morning.  
Toki, for some reason, freaked out and is now just lying on the floor staring at nothing. As he does.  
They have no alcohol except what was in the car with them, and there is no TV.

****

Nathan was sitting on the couch, hoarding the last of his booze. This cabin sucked, the style could best be described ad Rustic Grandmother, completely unmetal. There were quilts and knick-knacks. It was all just one big room. A couple beds against one wall, a couch, and a tiny excuse for a kitchen. Piles of firewood took up a lot of the space. Skwisgaar and Murderface were also on the couch, and Pickles was on the floor and closer to the fire.

Murderface checked his dethphone, there were no clocks here. “He’sch only been gone an hour! What are we schupposched to do here? This schucks.” He nudged Toki’s prone form with his boot. “He’sch lucky, he can juscht turn off and not be bored. Hey Toki! Wake up and be bored with the rescht of ush!”  
Toki didn’t even blink.

Pickles sadly finished his bottle and let it roll away. He looked hopefully at the others, but it was obvious that Skwisgaar and Murderface were out. Nathan, realizing he was about to become a target, quickly finished his. Well that was just great, they were out of booze.  
There was no TV... what had he last watched on TV? Pickles suddenly remembered. “Hey guys, I was watchin’ this thing ‘bout people who ‘ave sex with dead people.”

“I saw that too!” Nathan found this topic metal enough. “That’s pretty brutal. I don’t know if I could do that... maybe if they were really fresh? I don’t know. Skwisgaar, you’ve had old ladies die while you were, you know, _in them_ , right? How is it?”  
“Fucks no! Dey don’ts dies when I ams fucksing dem, dat woulds be... _ugh!_ ” He shuddered. “Greats now I ams going to be tinking about dat when I ams hasing de sexes. Tanks a lot Nathan.”

There was a moment of silence, but only a moment.  
“I’d fuck a corpsche, if it waschn’t illegal.” Murderface looked thoughtful. “Actually... Toki’sch pretty much dead when he’sch like thisch, right? Scho if we fucked him, it’sch not really necrophilia.”  
“Ja Murderface, dat’s jus rape. No.”  
It’sch not rape if he doeschn’t mind!”  
“I says no!”

“Dude, this is a pritty fecked up conversation here, talkin’s ‘bout rapin’ Toki.” Pickles reached over and lifted Toki’s arm, then let it fall with a thump. “Although I gatta admit thet he’s pritty outta it.” He stretched out on the floor. “I mighta fecked a dead person before, I don’t rally know ‘cause I was rally high. Ya do a lotta shit you wouldn’t normally do, and you _think_ ya did a lotta shit thet you never rally did...”

“Pfft, all dis talks abouts fucksing de deads people. I ams going to claims dat bed, please note dat I ams still alives.” Skwisgaar got up and went to his chosen bed, the grandmotherly quilt didn’t really bother him.  
“I get that bed!” Nathan claimed the other quickly.  
Pickles just curled up on his side, facing the fire. It looked like he was going to sleep on the floor, which left Murderface with the couch.

****

Some time later, Skwisgaar woke up. They were still in the cabin, all was silent except for the sounds of the fire. Nathan was asleep. Wondering why he had woken, Skwisgaar leaned up on his elbow so he could see the others.  
Pickles hadn’t moved, but Murderface was kneeling on the floor next to Toki. “What ams you doesing, Murderface? Gets away from him!”  
“Go back to schleep, Schwisgaar, I’m not going to hurt him.” He unbuttoned Toki’s pants.

“Fucks dis shit.” Skwisgaar got up and went to them grabbing Murderface by the wrist.  
Murderface rose, pulling his knife. “Back off! I’m not going to hurt him, schtay out of it!”  
“No, I ams not goings to let you rapes him! Besides, he ams not actuallies dead!”  
“Closche enough for me, I’ll never get another chance like thisch! Now back off, or do you think you can take me?”  
Murderface had a knife. This situation was really fucked up.

“I can!” They had woken Nathan. “Nobody’s raping Toki! Skwisgaar, go back to bed. Murderface, just fuck one of the dead gears sometime, it’s probably like, in their contracts or something. Besides, isn’t this a little too _gay_ for you?”  
“It’sch not gay if they’re dead!”  
“He’s not dead! You’re gay!”  
Murderface sat back on the couch, arms folded and scowling. Pickles was still asleep.

Skwisgaar was attempting to pick up Toki, that wasn’t going so well.  
“Skwisgaar, uh, what the fuck are you doing?”  
“He ams fucksing heavy! Helps me, Nathan.”  
“You can’t rape him either!”  
“Pfft, I ams not plannings on it. I jus wants to puts him on mine bed so we doesn’t has to worry about Murderface. Now helps me.”  
“Uh, okay.”

Together they carried Toki to the bed and managed to put him against the wall. “Maybe we should move Pickles too?”  
“Ja okays, jus to be safes.”  
“I am not a rapischt!” Murderface scowled at them from the couch.  
They dumped Pickles on the other bed, he was lighter so it was easier. He didn’t even wake up. Nathan and Skwisgaar got back into bed, and Pickles immediately rolled against Nathan. “Ugh, he’s a sleep cuddler.”

****

Toki woke up in bed with Skwisgaar, and he had no idea where they were. The last thing he remembered was some kind of car trouble, everything after that was blank. He leaned up enough to look around. Some sort of cabin, he’d never seen it before. Murderface was sleeping on the couch. Nathan and Pickles were in bed together too, Nathan flat on his back and Pickles pressed against his side with an arm and a leg thrown across.  
Everyone was asleep and Toki was cold, so he carefully lay back down and curled against Skwisgaar’s back.

Skwisgaar pressed back into the body heat, he was cold too. “Don’ts molest me if you ams still deads, I ams not into de necrophilias.” He muttered, still half asleep.  
Toki had no idea what he was talking about or if Skwisgaar even knew it was him, but he seemed to have been given permission to snuggle. And so snuggle he did, curling an arm around Skwisgaar’s chest and going back to sleep.

****

When Charles came back for them, he was surprised by how cozy they all looked.  
Murderface was in front of the fire, it had died down but was still generating a good amount of heat. Pickles was partially draped across Nathan, and Toki and Skwisgaar were snuggled up together under their quilt.  
It was almost a shame to wake them, but the car was waiting.  
Charles clapped his hands. “Wake up everyone, it’s time to go.”


End file.
